Safe to Cry with Jesus

January 19, 2015 by 8 Comments

7456141970_c9c7d38139_zHow many times have you held back tears while trying to be strong for someone else? If you’re like me, it may be too many to count.

Recent examples happened for me during some of the most difficult days after my husband Don’s injury in November. On a couple of different occasions it was all I could do to keep from collapsing into a pool of tears.

On dismissal day from the hospital, I was completely overwhelmed with being caregiver to someone who not only had his spine fractured in several places but who also was experiencing an adverse reaction to some medication.

When the time came to leave, I ducked into a bathroom and pleaded with God to help me hold it together. I didn’t want to cry in front of Don or my dad, who was also on hand as we left. The last thing I wanted to do was scare Don or worry him, and I didn’t want to worry my dad more than he already was. God heard my prayers and gave me the strength I needed to shake off the imminent meltdown. Thank you, Lord!

The other time I had to fight back tears was when my daughter Kristin was leaving after she’d been home helping us for a couple of days. I was worried about Don, who was experiencing some of his worst days, and also fearful of facing the situations that might unfold alone. As she left, I held my eyes as wide open as I could to try to keep the tears from falling. I later found out she was fighting tears as well and unleashed them only after she drove away. Yes, we stood strong for each other that day.

I’m so glad we don’t have to stand strong when we’re with Jesus—so glad we’re safe to cry with him. He is strength itself and wants to be our Rock, our Refuge. We can let our guards down when we’re with him and let the tears flow freely. We can let him know our deepest needs and tell him all about our fears and the weariness that threatens to overwhelm us.

Do you need to cry today? You’re safe with Jesus. Go ahead and turn to him.

“‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears . . .’” 2 Kings 20:5

*When have you held back tears to be strong for someone else?

*Flickr photo by KimbOlene, Creative Commons License

*The next issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter, will come out in early February. Sign-up is free and to the right!

Filed Under: bravery, burden, comfort, grief, protection, strength

Midweek Morsel: A Light for the Darkness

October 2, 2014 by 2 Comments

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Some of us may find ourselves in dark places today. If you’re struggling with fear, depression, grief, or life circumstances that seem hopeless, please know that you’re not alone. All of us have been there at one point or another.

The good news is that there is a Light for the darkness. If we will but look, if we will but lift our eyes, the Lord will be our light during our darkest moments. He will be our guide, our comfort, our hope. May these verses point you to him, my friends. May hope be your portion today!

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” John 8:12

“Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.” Micah 7:8b

“You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalm 18:28

“‘I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.’” Isaiah 42:16

*When has the Lord been the light in your darkness?

*Flickr photo by jeet_sen, Creative Commons License

Filed Under: burden, comfort, disappointment, disaster, fear, grief, hope, light, Word of God

What We Can Do When Grief Is Compounded

June 9, 2014 by 7 Comments

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We’ve all been there—smack dab in the middle of a conversation or situation that compounds a heavy grief we’re bearing.

Remarks are made that drive a knife deeper into an open wound. People may offer trite words or pat answers that may, in fact, be true, but do nothing but make the pain sharper because of their lack of understanding. Some may even make comments with an edge—with an implication of how we should get over the situation or fix it or how we possibly could have prevented it to start with. The knife goes in deeper.

Other times, actions are taken—or not taken—that show a lack of sensitivity and understanding. After asking how we’re doing, someone glances at his watch repeatedly as we try to share our stories. Another knife in the heart. Sometimes our heartache is ignored—we are ignored—when people, unsure of what to say or do, carry on as if nothing is wrong. In the process, these unwitting but guilty parties compound our grief as well.

So what can we do when our grief is compounded, when the pain is made worse? How can we turn it into something positive? A few things come to mind:

  1. We can give grace. We can forgive. Chances are, the offender doesn’t even realize the pain his remarks or actions caused. Let’s give the benefit of the doubt and overlook the offense. And if the person should have known better, we can still forgive. We can remember how God has forgiven us time and again and offer the same mercy ourselves.
  1. We can learn from the situation. Any time and every time our grief is compounded, we can make a mental note to avoid such remarks or actions in our own dealings with those who are hurting. We can guard against compounding others’ grief in the future.
  1. We can educate and enlighten others. We can share the lessons we’ve learned during our season of grief as opportunities arise. Depending on the situation and the people involved, it might even be appropriate and helpful to let an offender know how his actions or words caused hurt.
  1. We can draw closer to God as we handle the hurt. We can go to God with every fresh heartache. We can tell him all about it. In his arms we’ll find comfort and understanding. We can see the hurtful situation as one more opportunity to go deeper in our relationship with God.

Grief compounded doesn’t have to win, doesn’t have to have the final say. God can help us even through this. God can redeem the pain-made-worse. Let’s allow him to do so.

“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 KJV

*What are some ways we can avoid compounding the grief of others?

 *Flickr photo by Thomas Leuthard, Creative Commons License

Filed Under: comfort, forgive, grace, grief, heal, learn, mistake, teach

Learning About Grief

April 14, 2014 by 12 Comments

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As most of you know, I lost my mom unexpectedly last October. I don’t know if I’ve gone through all the “official” stages of grief, but I’ve learned a bit about grief since that day my family had to say our unexpected goodbyes. I won’t try to speak for everyone who’s ever experienced grief. I’ll just share what I’ve learned after a period of a few months now.

I’ve learned that grief lingers. Yes, life does indeed go on, and I slipped back into my normal routines fairly quickly. But those normal routines felt anything but normal at first. In the beginning my sisters and I asked each other if we’d ever feel normal again. Like so many others who’ve gone through grief, we’ve had to adjust to a new normal. The one without Mom.

Even now, almost six months later, grief lingers. All it takes is one thought of Mom, one remembrance, one glance at a photo, and my heart aches with loss. Granted, the pain is not as sharp as it was in those first weeks, but the ache is still there. Always just below the surface.

I’ve also learned that grief longs. When those thoughts of Mom come, not only does my heart ache, it also longs to see her again. To hear her voice. To talk things over with her. To show her how much she was—and is—loved. I long for the day I’ll see her again in heaven, along with other loved ones who’ve already left us.

Grief also longs to turn back time, to do some things differently. I wish I’d said I love you more. And even though I got to see and talk to Mom fairly regularly, I wish I’d done it even more.

I’ve also learned that grief leans. In the aftermath of our great loss, my dad and sisters and I have leaned on one another as never before. We feel a kinship in our loss and can offer comfort to one another because we understand like no one else just exactly what we lost when we lost Mom.

And above all—for believers—grief leans on the Lord. The comfort found in him and in knowing that Mom is in his presence can’t be matched. To be able to say to him, Please tell Mom I love her, please tell her I miss her helps so much. Just knowing that the Lord walks with me each day as my ever-present Companion and Help brings peace and comfort for every situation, grief-related or not.

These are just a few of the things I’ve learned about grief as the months have passed. Much more could be said. But my prayer is that something mentioned here today will help a hurting heart somewhere. Will help someone to feel understood. Or help others understand what grieving friends are going through. After all, we’re all learners in this life of ours.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

*What have you learned about grief?

*My photo

Filed Under: family, grief, heal, learn

Holding On To Faith

March 3, 2014 by 6 Comments

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When tragedy strikes or disappointment pays us repeated visits, when waiting is our portion and seems to have no end, what happens to our faith in God then?

Do we crack under the pressure of a painful trial and turn away from God or do we lift our eyes once more to him? Are we faithful to declare our trust again, even though our hearts are bruised and battered?

Sometimes continuing to trust and believe is a struggle—sometimes all we can do is hold on by our fingertips. We all face times—and if we haven’t yet, we someday will—when our hurt and disappointment are so great that hanging on to our faith becomes a sheer act of will. We don’t feel like believing, but we choose to believe God anyway. Based on the truth of his Word and his past faithfulness, we choose to hold on to our faith in him.

Our daughter and son-in-law have had their faith tested again and again the past several years as they’ve endured what seems to be an unending wait to become parents. They’ve chosen—and we’ve chosen, too, as we hurt along with them—to hold on to our faith, to continue to trust God and his perfect plan. Time and again, we’ve all had to ask do we trust God 100 percent?

Is your faith being tested now? Are you feeling bruised and battered? If you’re at a painful crossroads and trying to decide whether to walk away or lift your eyes and heart to God again, I pray that he will give you the strength to choose faith again. I pray that you will trust him 100 percent. He hurts with you. He waits with you. He’ll carry you through.

“. . . let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.” Hebrews 4:14b

*How has God carried you through when you’ve chosen to trust in him?

*Flickr Photo by Joseph Ma. Rosell, Creative Commons License

Filed Under: disappointment, faith, family, fighter, grief, trust, wait
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