Guest List Help: Don’t Forget the Father of the Bride

Mother of the Bride, when you’re thinking of people to include on your portion of the guest list for your daughter’s upcoming wedding, don’t forget to ask for help—from the father of the bride. That’s right, here is one of the tasks where you need to get his input and find out his desires.

Don’t assume that you know who the FOB would like to invite to the wedding. You might be surprised by just exactly who he wants—or doesn’t want—to invite to join you for the festivities. He may want to invite his co-workers but not his boss, or he might like to include his golfing buddies but not the fellow members of the civic group committee he’s serving on.

Also be sure to get his input on the total number of guests to invite. Unless the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding, you need to be on the same page with the FOB on this important decision since it will impact the cost of the wedding. If you avoid hard feelings over unexpected financial stress, everyone will be happier when wedding day arrives.

MOB, maybe you could even make the guest list conversation fun and make a date out of it. Go for coffee or dessert and take your pad of paper along. Brainstorm names with the father of the bride and enjoy something yummy while you’re doing it. Another win-win on the wedding planning front!

*You might also like to read Budget Agreement with the Father of the BrideWedding Day Emotion: Father-Daughter Dance Songs, and Wedding Day: Grab FOB for Impromptu Portrait

*For info about my book Mother of the Bride and also my Wedding Inspiration cards, check out my Books/My Work page.

*The new issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter with a giveaway in every regularly scheduled issue, came out early this month. It’s not too late to receive it. Sign-up is free and to the right! (If you’re on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom of the screen and click View Full Site to find it.)

*I hope this slightly revised encore post from Mar. 2014 blessed you today!

*Flickr photo by Corey Ann, Creative Commons License

5 Things Every Bride-To-Be Needs to Hear from Her Mother

*I won’t be posting next week during Thanksgiving but will be back on Nov. 27. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Mother of the Bride, as your daughter prepares to marry, she’s navigating a season like no other—as are you.

Not only are you both planning the biggest events you’ve probably ever planned, but you are both experiencing the shifting sands of changing family dynamics. She is shifting her primary loyalty to her husband-to-be and also developing relationships with his family while you are preparing for the final letting go as well as welcoming another family member into your family’s fold.

Since like any good mother, you’ll want to make her wedding planning experience and her family transition as easy as possible, here are 5 things she needs to hear from you right now. I pray that they will help both of you navigate the emotional mother-daughter waters you find yourselves in. May your season of planning and change go as smoothly as possible—and even hold unexpected blessings.

5 Things Your Bride-to-Be Daughter Needs to Hear from You

  1. This is your wedding, not mine, and you and your groom’s desires are the ones that matter the most. It’s okay, MOB, to share some of your most deeply held desires concerning the wedding—after all, it will be a highlight of your life and her dad’s life as well—but when it comes down to final decisions, those should reflect the couple’s desires.
  2. We welcome the love of your life into our family with open arms and will love him like a son. This will be a process of course as you may need time, MOB, to get to know him better, but just hearing your assurances of your welcoming love for him will mean the world to her.
  3. Even though you’re starting a new family, you’ll always be my dearly loved daughter who can count on me in good times and bad. At this critical time of family transition, MOB, your sweet girl needs to know that you’ll always love her and you’ll always be there for her. And as you assure her of your unchanging love, this will give her an opportunity as well to reassure you of your place in her heart.
  4. I’m sorry—I didn’t handle that very well. There may be (will be!) times during the wedding planning process, MOB, that you will say or do something that you wish you hadn’t. Tensions can run high at times and in those moments it’s so easy to act or speak in haste. When you’ve done something that hurts feelings or offends, apologize as quickly as possible. Keeping loving and peaceful relationships is the way to go.
  5. How can I help you? Whether with wedding details, relationship issues with any of her friends and family, or other day-to-day life stresses that can be compounded by the pressures she’s feeling as wedding day approaches, your girl needs you, MOB. Find out how you can best help her with whatever she’s going through. She will be forever grateful.

Good luck, MOB, as you and your precious daughter navigate the days ahead. May these pointers help along the way!

*You might also like to read Mother of the Bride’s Wedding Day Advice for the BridePre-Ceremony Wedding Day Prayer Idea: The Mother of the Bride Prays for the BrideA Prayer for the Newlyweds, and A Message for the Newlyweds.

*For info about my book Mother of the Bride and also my Wedding Inspiration cards, check out my Books/My Work page.

*The new issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter with a giveaway in every regularly scheduled issue, came out Nov. 1st. It’s not too late to receive it. Sign-up is free and to the right! (If you’re on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom of the screen and click View Full Site to find it.)

*Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Wedding Budget Tip: Prioritize and Trim

Mother of the Bride, it’s easy to get overwhelmed when thinking of all the expenses coming at you while planning a wedding. The whole process can start to feel like a runaway train you can’t seem to slow down. Soon you can find yourself engulfed in emotions like panic and dread instead of excitement and joy.

Here’s a wedding budget tip that can help: Prioritize and then trim. Talk with the bride and groom and have them decide which elements of the wedding are most important to them and  which elements are the least important. And then plan your spending from there.

Devote the bulk of your budget to the things the couple cares the most about and plan for minimal amounts to be spent on the others, possibly even forgoing some things altogether. If your daughter and her beloved want an amazing venue, a live band, and top notch photography, maybe they would be willing to have an hors d’oeuvres buffet rather than a sit-down dinner and scale back on flowers and favors. They might even decide they don’t need ceremony programs at all. You get the idea.

MOB, take the pressure off a bit—prioritize and trim. The results will be unique to your own situation and will help put the brakes on that runaway train, giving wings to joy instead. Why not give it a try?

*You might also like to read Budget Agreement with the Father of the BrideA Simple Wedding Expense Tip, Wedding Savings Tip: Borrow, Bridal Primping on a Budget, and Christmas Gifts for the Bride.

*For info about my book Mother of the Bride check out my Books/My Work page.

*The next issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter, comes out this week. One lucky subscriber (new or current) will receive a $15 gift card to Starbucks and a signed copy of my book to use personally, give as a gift, or donate to a library. Sign-up is free and to the right! (If you’re on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom of the screen and click View Full Site to find it.) p.s. It is too late to get in on this issue’s giveaway, but if you subscribe, you will be included in all future Life Notes giveaways.

*Flickr photo by cafecredit, Creative Commons License

Bride and Bridesmaid Bouquet Savings Tip

Mother of the Bride, are you interested in saving money on the floral expense for your daughter’s wedding?

Silly question, right? Every MOB is interested in saving money. I heard a great tip about wedding flowers a few years ago while watching Wedding Wednesdays on Katie so I wanted to share it with you here.

Simply ask your daughter if she would be willing to select flowers with large blooms for the bridesmaids bouquets and possibly even her own. Large blooms means less flowers needed overall for the bouquets. And less flowers means less expense. And of course, less expense means welcome relief for the parents of the bride!

I realize the bride-to-be may have her heart set on particular flowers already, but if not, suggesting those with large blooms is a terrific idea. Like the gerber daisies pictured above, large-bloomed flowers can make beautiful bouquets. Peonies, dahlias, hydrangeas, and sunflowers are also some other great options.

So go on, MOB, ask away—and have fun saving a little money! 

*You might like to read this piece by Anne Chertoff that features lots of great ideas for saving money on the wedding flowers. 

*I hope this slightly revised post from May 2014 helped you today!

*The next issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter, comes out in early November. One lucky subscriber (new or current) will receive a $15 gift card to Starbucks and a signed copy of my book to use personally, give as a gift, or donate to a library. Sign-up is free and to the right! (If you’re on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom of the screen and click View Full Site to find it.)

*For info about my book Mother of the Bride check out my Books/My Work page.

*Flickr photo by shelleyelizabeth, Creative Commons License

Preparation for Decorating Wedding Reception Venue

Mother of the Bride, one vital step in your wedding decor preparation is to visit the reception venue site. You probably visited it early-on with your daughter while selecting a venue, but now you need to go back and carefully survey everything with an eye for decorating.

Here are some things to take to the reception venue when you visit:

*The bride. This is her party, and you definitely need her input. Your job is to help bring her vision to fruition. As you visit the site with your daughter, you’ll both have ideas and can decide together which ideas to implement. Also, two sets of eyes are always better than one in spotting potential problem areas and making sure those are addressed before you arrive to decorate.

*Questions for the venue’s event coordinator. When you make your appointment to visit, make sure the event coordinator will be there so you can ask questions, gain his or her insight, and get advice based on what they’ve seen work well there before. Take time to compile a list of questions before you go so you’re not trying to think off the top of your head. (Lists like this are included in my book Mother of the Bride.) If you see any problems or things you’d like fixed or done differently than their norm, speak up and ask. They will generally try to accommodate if possible.

*Your MOB folder or notebook/journal. As you make your way through wedding planning, you’ll keep a folder and/or notebook of all the info and plans you’re accumulating. You may need some of that info as you talk with the venue’s event coordinator or as you brainstorm decorating ideas with your daughter. Be sure to take this all-important MOB folder/notebook with you. It will also give you a place to make notes during your appointment.

*Camera. Pictures of the site will be invaluable after the appointment since more ideas will come to you and your daughter later on. Pictures of the site will help you carry them out. Also be sure to capture a shot of the two of you during this stop on your wedding-planning journey. You’ll be so glad you documented this once-in-a-lifetime journey together.

*Tape measure. This is the time to record vital statistics like how long banisters or mantles are or how many feet of lights you’ll need. Measure everywhere, even if you’re not sure you’ll decorate a certain area. For example, if you ultimately decide to string lights around the windows, you’ll have the measurements you need.

So MOB, head out for your venue appointment armed with these items. You’ll not only have a successful planning day, but you’ll have fun with your daughter as well. Another win-win on the wedding front!

*You might also like to read Include Venue Signs in the Wedding Photos , Wedding Planning Tip: Ask for Price Breaks, and Get It In Writing.

*The next issue of Life Notes, my quarterly inspirational newsletter, comes out in early November. One lucky subscriber (new or current) will receive a $15 gift card to Starbucks and a signed copy of my book to use personally, give as a gift, or donate to a library. Sign-up is free and to the right! (If you’re on a mobile device, scroll to the bottom of the screen and click View Full Site to find it.)

*For info about my book Mother of the Bride check out my Books/My Work page.

*Flickr photo by J. Aaron DelgadoCreative Commons License